This year I’m doing intentions for the year and some kind of focus each month.
For 2024 my themes are Voice and Intuition.
For like a week once I got motivated to take YouTube singing lessons and couldn’t believe how different my voice felt and sounded after doing a few simple vocal warm up exercises.
I forgot about that.
Now I have a baby and an innate desire to sing to her when she needs to be soothed. I’m a terrible singer and worse I don’t know any words to any songs. I mix NSYNC with butchered Christmas carols, even Mabel finds it perplexing.
So I want to focus on my voice in that way but also in the way of writing and truth. To step into a new resonance as I step into my new self. This blog is a large part of it.
I’m on a mission to follow my gut, intuition, inner voice’s guidance as religiously as I can. Do what lights me up and live in integrity with my true self. Hone my magic powers, so to speak.
My things for January were cutting out Alcohol and Instagram (and Facebook by default). Both easy things to avoid only when committed to avoiding them.
Without Instagram I read more, I wrote more, I spent more time practicing Spanish. But if I’m being honest it made me feel kind of lonely. The digital interactions I was having with acquaintances each day made me feel like I was a part of something. Is it the illusion of a community or a real community?
I missed conversations and reactions exchanged with people who’s phone numbers I didn’t have, beefing up my apparent friend circle. Showing off Mabel to people I love or have merely met.
Deleting the app felt like relief. I felt space, mentally clearer, calm.
Avoiding distraction from a collective narrative, focusing on hearing my own thoughts. Channeling my own voice. Reflecting on my own story instead of adding to my Instagram story.
Not following lives of people I’ll likely never be physically near felt grounding.
Okay to be honest I had two beers on Jan 30th at the beach but only because the moment was absolutely right.
Obviously I wasn’t trying to prove to myself that I could go any extended length of time without booze as I easily avoided it during pregnancy. But deleting the 2-3 drinks I was enjoying over the drawn out holiday evenings made putting to sleep a baby way easier. I was less tired and more patient when her bed time was later than mine.
Home was pleasant alcohol free with an increasing sense of optimism and health as days went on - But we watched more TV and there were way more treats, a thousand sparkling waters. An absolute disinterest in playing Crib. Hundreds of dollars saved. Fluttering thoughts of Bordeaux.
The idea of wines and spirits is so romantical.
Romantical poisons crafted to perfection.
Overall I’ll be having less casual drinks and spending less time and attention on Instagram.
In February I plan to breathe more and strengthen my core and upper body.
If breath is life, then more breathing is more life. I’m calming two nervous systems over here.
Specifically Core/Pelvic floor & Hanging/ upper body
I just want to be strong.
I was surprised at how quickly my body looked normal after birth but I lost connection to my lower abs. I never stand normal and my lower back has been subbing in for my traumatized core - ribs hanging heavy. So I’m doing postpartum ab workouts every day of this month.
I was recently reminded of the importance of the human ability to hang and it’s evidence of bodily health and I felt a sense of panic. (I never want to subscribe to the ‘aging is decaying’ mindset!)
As a child I was described as a monkey. Always up a tree, hanging or spinning on something. Physical ease and strength an authentic expression of self.
The idea that we used to be more aligned with our ape roots - capable of swinging from branches or monkey bars an innate understanding.
A handstand a day keeps the doctor away is what I always said.
I could barely hang for 10 seconds at the beginning of January but with effort, I’ve about tripled my time. So I want to keep doing that and eventually get to pull ups.
Live love laugh happy new year.
✌🏻
March 13th
I barely even considered my intentions life has been tiring and perpetual and cold and up and down and spacey and loving and hard and soft and grey and blue and stinky and sparkly and rough and simple.
A 10 minute work out is hard to make happen when the times you want to are the times you can’t and the times you can you’d rather have a bath.
Maybe I stood with my core engaged more. The slight edge in mind. I barely hung.
I go an invitation to take a parent child singing class and the thought made me want to throw up with discomfort at first. We went it was nice and I’ll go again. Voice.
I’ve thrown clay and sewn. I’ve read Three Women, I’ve walked and hiked and the clock has sprung forward.
Life’s really about getting out of the house so you’re excited to go home. Staying home too much so you’re excited to get out. Thinking too much is exhausting and the world costs alot of money.
Mexico will bring us into April. My intentions for Mexico are to plan my wedding, have an epic adventure with my family, use my Spanish and level up, take beautiful photos that light my soul ablaze- And write about it honestly and insightfully.